Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
