And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
