so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
