So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
