i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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