I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
