i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
