His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
