My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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