Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
