Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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