Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let's paint friendship bongs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
