my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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