Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
