we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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