her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
