remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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