Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
