I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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