Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No stitches, just platelets and will power
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
