That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
