Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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