this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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