i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
