sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
