i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
