i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
