I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
