I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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