apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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