Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
