Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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