He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
