I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
