he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
