I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
