its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
