My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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