awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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