I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
