So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
