What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
