new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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