how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
