Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
