I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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