Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My ass is underappreciated
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
