Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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