But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
