everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
