ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
