Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she told me i tasted like america
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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